Tales of A Troubled Soul by Tré'Jhaun Andrece: Sneak Peek

Presenting 3 poems I wrote from 2020-2021 that will be featured in my very first book of short stories and poetry: Tales of A Troubled Soul. I have no idea when exactly it'll be available, but it's been a glorious journey working on this project. I began writing and composing this book in the Spring semester of my junior year of college thanks to a past professor, poet and artist: Queen Sheba.

Thank you so much for reminding me that I am an author and poet and not just a screenwriter or playwright. I am forever grateful to you.

These words will shape shift and take any form they need to in order to resonate. Thank you for that gift and challenging me, Queen. You're actually an angel. I thank God for allowing me to experience you.

The poems are titled: Tears in my Left Eye, Mother-less Child and Hercules' Muses: Moody, India, Ryssa, Kaitlyn, Keara and other Fans. I hope you are entertained, but mostly touched.

Thank you for connecting with me.

Tears in my Left Eye

i wished i believed in love

when i came across your love

i wished i had seen it once before

in person, up close and in person

but love's been a bit impersonal

a bit antisocial

a bit unbecoming

i had no idea what would become of me falling in love

I'm no girl from the movies

i wish i believed that love existed outside of movie screens

the way I believed in sex or weed

but, i've gotten along this far

knowing that movies are pretend

simply for PG, PG-13, PG-14, R, XXX

and G experiences

love is entertainment

love is televised

and eventually all your favorite

shows get cancelled and move to Netflix

which I can't afford alone

i need a family plan

I believe in a familial love

that is really just provided

and conditional

on the blood shared

or spilled

tears wash away

after while crocodile

i have no time

for temporary love

making me feel special

making me feel at home

for your entertainment

i don't want love to end

and that's "unrealistic"

They say.

They don't know that nothing's real anyway

So everything is

real or possible

just as soon as it's realized...

I wished I realized we were in love

so i could join scene

i had no idea i had been casted for once.

Mother-less Child

i had to get comfortable

familiar

serene

in touch

in my womanly touch

with the fact

that the woman

that birthed me

and never taught me it's

ok to touch myself

but just not let nan nigga

touch me for free or without

a ring

didn't wanna touch me as a child

not no incestuous alabama touchin you

secretly type in pornos for--but hugs

She refused to love me or hug me

When I wanted so i been

out of touch for

much longer

much much longer

than i been touchin boys or girls

momma

i was waiting for you to touch me

and love me and tell me I

was your princess instead of

your first born

your first mistake

i wasn't no plan and

now i can hardly make or stick to one except

that: who would wanna love me

if my own mother wouldn't?

Why won't you love me?

Hercules' Muses: Moody, India, Ryssa, Kaitlyn, Keara and other Fans

Somebody's lying

and I can feel it

I'm being discussed

behind closed doors

by open mouths so

I always here it

There's deceit in the air

Masquerading as Spirit

There's a negative energy awry

I feel the need to clear it

The Demons weighing heavy

Heavy on my spirit

There's a ghost in the air

hiding from the skeletons in your closet

As I try to near it

I want to exorcise your mind

I keep playing games

Like Divine Exercise

I love it on your playground

It's simple here I lay round

It's mental here, can't play round

I get lost in your world

But feel profound, damn...

Somebody's lying, I'm always near it

I'm being talked down upon by my spirits

Thought they had faith, guess that's fiction

Just forget it.

The only time

I can push the

burning lingerances

of your betrayals

and infidelities

behind me

is when you're behind me

cowered, back arched or

Spined, curled to mimic

explosions of passion

you are no longer capable of feeling...

You get all your joy

in this life

From using shit

til you're thru

and then conveniently

losing necessity and desire

for the thing you "manifested."

I wonder if you knew of all the

Hatred you would manifest with

loving and lying to me instead

of with me...

But you made your bed. And I lied in it.

But I can't live in it, no.

I hate it everywhere and every

place I once saw love

Love is a lie

And you're- you are a mirage.

You're not here

You are invisible

You must be a figment of my insecurity's imagination

After loving you, I have progressed past the need for insecurities or imaginations

I don't wanna watch Insecure

and I damn sure want to cut off this fuck ass imagination

This wondrous being tortures me

with echoes of utterances to other women.

You have killed all my favorite parts of me.

They've made me weak like you have.

Where are my guards and

defenses when I need them

And they give me a look---that resonates in my auric field

saying, "We gave many signs,"

and I was so busy speeding,

I bypassed them all for you...

for me... for us...

for love...

But you don't love me

And it's so fucking sickening

and repulsive the ways I

think about my back breaking

under the weight of your arms

or my confidence shedding off

like the weight I've lost in

mourning of what I wanted to be real love

You've distorted everything

I'm nothing at all but remains

.

My imagination is the greatest assassin

of all time though I never grew

to be a spy.

I know people have their secrets

and their hidden and unspoken

for a reason

But just once, I asked for honesty

and clarity and words so loud

the neighbors could hear

But you only cared to hear your name

I wonder would you like your name anymore if

everything you saw associated with your legacy was pain.

My brain abnormal

But depression is so familiar

with me she said "fuck all

formalities"

Bring on the casualties

my

imagination is the greatest assassin

of all time.

-Tré'Jhaun Andrece Dueberry